


where home is

by badAquatic



Series: Trailerstuck [71]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Accurate depiction of death, Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society, Discussion of past violence, F/M, Illustrated, M/M, Polyamory, discussion of past rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-12
Updated: 2014-12-12
Packaged: 2018-03-01 04:00:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2758808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badAquatic/pseuds/badAquatic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John returns to home to realize the unthinkable has happened, Karkat returns to work, Dave gives Karkat an ultimatum about the future, and Terezi initiates about investigation. Just another weekend in the park really. </p><p>Takes place immediately after "the egbert horror".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one night in fraymotif

**== >John: Meet with one of the producers**

A round of applause goes up when the waitress comes by with the drinks, not that it could be heard over the thumping music. Colorful glasses with equally neon drinks get passed around the booth you’re sitting in. You’re all crammed into the booth but you got one of the best spots in the club; along the mezzanine railing where you can see the pulsing dance floor. Even on a school night Fraymotif is packed.

You sip your Feathercadence, feeling a pleasurable buzz. “We got everything all set up for _The Tempest._ Things are going to go great this time. Tickets are also selling out quickly. We should have a full house for the Saturday showing.”

Bosica, your patron for the night, grins at you. “Hopefully considering all the grant money your little production has gobbled up. I hope you have the receipts all put away.”

“Oh definitely. Invoices form and filed.” You say, grinning, “We’re definitely looking forward to meeting with the arts council for the end of the year review.”

“Dad always liked meeting with you guys.” Bosica smirks. “You don’t stink of desperation like all the others trying to get cash.” 

“I guess it helps with pretending not to be so desperate?” You say but you mutter it more into your drink.

“ _John_!”

You turn and see Vriska moving toward you. Sufferer above must be listening to your pelas because she comes over like your freak-eyed angel savior. You get up from the table, offering an apology to Bosica and letting the ceruleanblood lead you away. Vriska steals your drink and slurps it down while you move across the mezzanine and to the unisex bathrooms.

“Gods, I would’ve jumped off the mezzanine if I had to spend one more minute with that _douchebag_.” You squint at yourself in the mirror but your vision is blurred from the booze. “Are my eyes red?”

“Reddish.” You groan and Vriska tilts her head. “What? It’s not like your Mom is going to yell at you.”

It’s true. Your mother _never_ yells at you. You search your pockets for your always elusive eye drops. “Dave’s the one on my case. He thinks I’m doing too much. Of course he doesn’t say it but he gives you that… _look_.”

“You mean the ‘I’m judging you but I won’t say it’ look? Yeah, I get it from _my mother._ And _Karkat_.” Vriska searches in her purse and tosses you her eye dropper.

You drop some water into your eyes with the usual precision. “Thanks. I’ve been here basically every other night and all these bright lights are irritating after a while.”

“I still think its bullshit you have to come here and kiss ass.”

You hand the eyedropper back to her. “Eighty percent of being in theatre is sucking up to your patrons. This year’s grant is done and if we don’t get another we can kiss the spring musical goodbye. Without the arts council, the theatre program dies.”

“Then why isn’t Ms. Javid here? She’s the theatre teacher.”

You laugh. “That bag of botox hasn’t done real work in a decade! All she does is keep track of spending and as long as we make her look good, she keeps everything else off our back.” It was a fair tradeoff. With the theatre program making your shitty school actually look progressive and interesting, the teachers were warned to be more forgiving about homework and missed assignments.

“Aren’t you the crafty negotiator?” Vriska purrs into your ear. She runs her nails down your back to punctuate her point.

You shudder but this time, you can’t just give in. “…Rose came back. She’s out of hiding now.”

Vriska pauses, her chin on your shoulder. “So,” she whispers, “it’s over.”

“It wasn’t really anything to _begin_ with.” You admit.

“I know.” She doesn’t sound angry about it; maybe sad that she’s going to lose your company. Vriska may be the source of many problems but she’s not antisocial. It’s hard being in East New Jack with no family or actual friends around. She made the best choice for her kid but that doesn’t mean she’s happy about it.

Her hand is around your waist. You touch it, sighing. “We’ll still hang out and I’ll definitely still come to your place when I’m too hungover to drive and I don’t trust anyone else.” 

“You are incredibly hilarious when you’re toasted and trying to make food.” Vriska looks at the clock hanging over the mirror. “Shit, Cinderwebla, you should head home. There’s no way you got you’re going to rehearse lines tonight.”

You smirk. “I’ll definitely make it. I’m faster than people think.”

She kisses you before you leave but it’s a good-bye kiss; saying farewell to what could have been. You head back to the booth and see the crew is starting to scatter too. You say a polite and appropriately theatrical goodbye to Bosica and leave with half of the crew. You pile into a beat up card and head back to the Ninth Ward.

Halfway home you start feeling drowsy. You could definitely use a nap but you’ve still got lines to memorize, college applications to look over, and a hundred other things. You sit in the backseat, trying to ignore the weight on your eyelids, when you get nudged. Someone (your vision is too blurred and you’re too drowsy to ascertain who) hands you bottle of Jet Alert.

“My savior.” You say, and swallow four pills with a chaser of passed-around soda. You’ll definitely need four if you’re going to stay up long enough. The others in the car do the same.

You’re wide awake when you get to the barrier of your neighborhood, blocked by a police car. The cop ignores you as you walk by. The streetlights are a pain in the ass to your now alert eyes so you put on your clip-on shades. Originally you had worn them just in the club to deal with the lights but now you’ve needed them for most of the day.

Wide awake, you’re organizing everything you have to do in your head. You can definitely finish your overdue essays and other assignments in this state. Gods, you’re going to do many things! Fuck, you’re going to get so much shit done tonight! You’re nearly running to Dave’s trailer and you throw the door open, excited. That’s when you remember the obnoxious festive holiday lights. Even with the clip-ons it still fucking hurts.

Karkat, Rose, and Dave are all lying on the pull-out couch. Karkat has a broad bandage across his nose, Rose is asleep, and Dave is typing on his husktop like a maniac. Karkat is the first to notice you.

“Holy shit… _Egbert_?” The mutantblood nudges Rose. “Wake up, Lalonde. Mr. Sunglasses-At-Night is here.”

Rose snorts and sits up, rubbing her eyes. “Huh? What?”

“It’s like one in the morning, dude.” Dave says, not looking up from the husktop.

“Shit. Seriously?” You look at the clock and confirm it to be sure. “ _Shit_. I lost track of the fucking time. Could’ve sworn I left way much earlier.”

“Uh huh.” Dave says, skeptically.

“Oh my fucking gods, Dave!” you grow, “I _know_ it’s late but I was _busy_. You’re not my fucking mother.”

Karkat blinks. “John…are you alright?”

“I’m _tired_ from dealing with assholes and their arts council parents all fucking week and I have a _headache_.” The energy boost you got earlier isn’t helping your mood. “Why are you guys still up?”

Rose looks down and fidgets with her fingers. “We need to…talk.”

Oh great. This is exactly the kind of shit you _didn’t_ want to deal with. “Fine. Let’s go for a…walk, or something.”

Dave’s hands twitch in a way that you know he wants to say something but he won’t. It just pisses you off more. You leave the trailer with Rose following. The night air is muggy and it thunders overhead.

“So, um,” Rose begins, “we did something a little…well, _crazy_.”

“Crazy?” You consider your cabal of friends. “Did you do drugs and things went horribly wrong?”

“I wish.” Rose mutters, “No, we uh…you see.” She hesitates and restarts. “It started when Nepeta brought Kanaya a book while I was over her trailer. It was already a very spooky book but Kanaya said...”

You listen to the story Rose spins you: discovering the book, hearing several spooky stories, going to _your_ trailer at the dead of midnight to summon demons, but when Rose mentions the rats and flies you draw the line.

“There is no _way_ my trailer has rats.” You say, “My Mom kept that place spotless. My Mom’s _life_ is baking, church, and cleaning.”

“Why would I lie about _rats_ , John?” Rose’s voice going up an octave, “You know how much I _hate_ rats!”

“My trailer wouldn’t have rats.” You insist, “Why’d you even pick my place? That’s kind of fucked up, Rose.”

Rose folds her arms. “Is it as fucked up as us trying to go to Darkleer Manor so we could summon the Psionic’s ghost? You know: the murdered spirit of our friend’s _grandfather_.”

“ _Shhh_!” You glance around since you never know who talks to whom in this neighborhood. “We never even _got_ to Darkleer Manor, so that doesn’t count. You know how my Mom feels about dark rituals. She’s a strict Orthodoxian!”

“That’s not even the worst of it…” Rose mutters.

You stare at her. “What’s the worst of it?” Rose looks away. “Rose. What else happened?”

“It’s hard to explain…” Rose says, vaguely, “It’s better if you… _see_ it.”

You follow Rose down Fordham and into your neighborhood to see a police blockade near your trailer. In back of them is a large truck with a crane attached. Men in hardhats and harnesses are walking around, hooked up to the truck. With the police cars flashing lights and the truck you can’t even see your trailer. The news crew from ABC-1025 is standing near the cops and trying to interview them. When you walk onto the scene, one of the reporters sees you and runs over with a camera toting intern trailing after them.

“Sir! Do you live in this neighborhood?” she asks.

“Uh, yeah.” You mutter. Rose sinks in the background, easing from the cameras. “What’s going on?”

“A home has disappeared sir! _Disappeared!_ ” the reporter says, as dramatically as possible, “It’s sunk into the mud. The police have contacted some emergency crew but they’re unable to traverse the dense, toxic mud of your neighborhood! What’s your opinion on this?”

“ _What_?” You shove past the reporter and go to the police officers.

That’s when you see your trailer or the area that was your trailer. It’s gone with the bushes and trees sunken into the black mud. It’s still frothing and every hissing bubble sounds almost like its talking. It’s ridiculous but the only comparison you can think of. The only evidence that this was your home was that the mailbox is still there with _Egbert_ on it. It can only be your trailer. The hardhat men walk into the mud, slopping through it and gradually sinking.

A cop looks at you. “Sir, please move along. This is private property and we’re handling this situation best as we can.”

“This is _my_ trailer!” you say, “What’s going on? What happened?”

The cop’s eyes widen. “Really? _Shit.”_ He rubs the back of his head and takes you aside. “We were expecting you hours earlier. We didn’t have your cellphone number either.”

“Tell me what happened...” You growl.

“I have _no_ _clue_.” The cop admits. He looks toward the muddy lot as the men in hardhats explore it. “I was on patrol when I heard some screaming. When I came here people were crowded around and we just saw… _this mess._ This sort of shit ain’t in my jurisdiction.”

“Then let me talk to someone who knows what’s going on!” you say, frustrated.  

There’s a shriek from the muddy lot. “Something’s got me! _It’s got me!_ ”

One of the workers is sinking into the mud, waving his arms frantically. Another worker grabs him and they struggle. A worker, standing at the truck, starts reeling in the line attached to the men. The other workers are panicking:

“It’s got us both! Fuck!” 

“ _It hurts!_ ”

Shit! what the hell _is_ that?”

“Hold on, Jimmy! Hold on!” the third yells.

The two workers are pulled out of the mud but they’re up to their knees in the Ninth Ward’s toxic mud. The worker who started sinking first had mud up to their waist, with an addition of garbage clinging to him. The stench makes you gag.

“Something grabbed me!” babbles the first worker, “Something fucking _grabbed me!_ ”

“ _Fuck_ overtime! There’s no way I’m going back in that mess!” pants the second, “That shit nearly sucked us down!”

The cop you were speaking to walks over to the workers. “What about the trailer?”

“It’s evil. That place is evil.” says the first worker. He shakily pulls out a manicula from his shirt, kisses it, and ushers a small prayer, “ _Glory be to the King, and to the Lord, and to the Holy Knights. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, the world unending. Amen._ ”

“ _Fuck_ the trailer!” insists the second worker, “Listen pal: this ain’t no natural water-and-earth mud that you got. That shit’s easy to walk through. That mud”—he pointed to the lot—“is _thick and goopy_. Like walking through fucking _molasses._ I didn’t feel no trailer, just the foundation, and then the _hole in the fucking foundation._ I don’t know what else is down there but it’s sharp and it either snagged us or grabbed us. Either way you got a sinkhole and it’s filled with _mud_.”

“A sinkhole?” you ask.

“Fuck.” Rose breathes. She’s hovering behind you, looking more frightened than you are.

“I ain’t getting near that lot for all the boons in the city.” says the third worker, “A sinkhole that fills up that quickly with mud means you got a lot of it and _everybody_ knows Ninth Ward mud’ll make you sicker than a rabid lusus.”

“Will the sinkhole get bigger?” asks the cop.

The first worker shrugs. “Ain’t no telling right now. Considering how this one just opened up, it could happen again. Ain’t no knowing without the gear to get down there.”

The third worker folds his arms. “Could order a suction pump to siphon some of the mud and get some guys down there with the proper gear. But that’ll take a while.”

“And we can’t do that without the DD weighing in and fucker ain’t answering his phone.” Groans another cop.

“What am _I_ supposed to do?” you ask.

“Did you lose any personal items?” asks the officer.

You do a quick mental rundown of what was in the trailer. Most of the items in the kitchen were in evidence lockers since that was where your mother was attacked. Both locks were busted so you moved all your DVDs, clothes. textbooks, and anything else worth money into storage for you and your mother. Still your movie posters, beds, some of the clothes, and most of your mother’s hanging religious paraphernalia were still in the trailer.

“Yeah, I had a few things in the house! Gods…” You rub your forehead. “My Mom is going to wake up, strangle me, and then pass back out.”

“I doubt she’s going to do that, John.” Rose says quietly. The guilt is so obvious on her face that she can’t even look you in the eye.

You nod to the cops. “I’ll file another incident report and…explain this to Mom.”

The cops nod and you leave the sight of what was once your trailer with Rose. It looks like you’re not staying at your place like you’d prefer to.

“We’re going to get you a new trailer, John.” Rose says, “It’s our fault that your trailer is under the mud. I’m…so sorry, John.”

You roll your eyes. “Rose, I doubt black magic sunk my trailer. That sounds a little _too_ absurd.”

Rose frowns. “ _Something_ attacked us, John. How do you explain the scratches on Karkat or Sollux? Or all the rats?”

“The scratches could have been caused by a psionic. You said Kanaya and Feferi knew about it, so it could have been Damara and Aradia fucking with you, or some neighborhood kids. The flies were attracted the blood. The moaning in the trailer was caused by the floorboards. You’ve complained about the creaky boards and walls before. As for the rats…” You frown. “Mom hasn’t been home to clean since the damage and there are more rodents around because of the garbage.”

“It’s still very strange…” Rose mutters.

“Maybe I’d sing a different tune if we didn’t live next door to aliens that can move things with their mind. It’s ridiculously _easy_ to fake a haunting nowadays. You’ve said so yourself.”

Rose hesitates to agree on that front. “What are you going to do about your trailer? Your bed is gone and so are all your precious movie posters…”

“Rose.” You pat her on the shoulder. “Yeah, I’m mad about the posters but I’m actually glad. If the trailer hadn’t sunk during your séance nonsense, the trailer could have collapsed while _I_ was there, or _Mom_. We would definitely be dead if that happened. So yeah, I’m mad”—you smile—“but I’m not _that_ mad. I just don’t know where we’re going to stay now.”

Rose doesn’t look any happier about you not being angry though. “I’m still worried about that sinkhole. What if it gets larger? This is exactly what happened to South Street before they had to abandon it…”

“Calm down, Rose. There’s no way you caused the sinkhole and I doubt it’s going to expand.” You take her hand and Rose looks at you, eyes still sunken and worried. “Let’s just go to your trailer. We have to explain this to your mother since she’s been concerned about my Mom.”

Rose looks uneasy but nods. You walk toward her trailer.

“What was it like staying at the Strider trailer, by the way?” she asks.  

You laugh. “It’s so _weird_ over there! I know Jade, Dave, and Karkat have a three way thing going on, I think, but I never realized how different it is to live like that.” You pause. “Do you think you could ever live like that?”

“You mean polyamorously?” Rose asks. You nod and she thinks about it. “I don’t know. I assume that I’m too much of a pain in the ass for one person to put up with, let alone several people.” She smiles, “I can’t see you doing that sort of thing.”

“What makes you say that?”

Rose shrugs. “I don’t know. You seem a bit too…white bread?”

You frown. “ _White_ _bread_?”

“I just don’t think that sort of thing is for you, John. You were baptized and raised an Orthodoxian. You seem like the kind of person to just prefer the usual mainstream sort of thing. I doubt you’d make the leap toward polyromance.”

You stare at her. Is that how people see you? Just another human guy who doesn’t do much else? Who’ll just get married, pop out a few kids, and fade away into mediocrity after a brief career. Is that the memory you want people to remember you by: boring?

“Do you…really think that?” you ask.

Rose frowns. “Oh, _John_. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings--”

“My feelings aren’t _hurt_.” You insist, “I’s nice to know that if it wasn’t for my acting career, you would think I was _boring_.”

“John, everyone is different and I didn’t say there was anything wrong living an average life. Not everyone needs to have a complicated family history or relationship with their relatives. I’m in the same boat too, you know. We’re human. We don’t have a lot of insanity in our life.” She frowns. “Well, besides the séance. John, what’s really going on?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’ve been acting weird these days. You’re out most of the time at all hours and I know you’re busy with the theatre and your career but I’m worried you’re going to run yourself ragged.”

“I’m managing it fine.”

“You never used to wear sunglasses at night.”

“I came from a bright place.”

“John, let me see your eyes.”

You flip up your clip-on’s with a grumble. “I’m not high, if that’s what you think is going on.”

“It’s not that. I just miss the color of your eyes.” She smiles gently. “And I miss you.”

You take her hands and kiss her knuckles. “I missed you too. Let’s just…go inside. Wait for your mother.”

You go inside of the Lalonde trailer, holding her hand. You need a break from Dave anyways and you miss Rose more than anything in the world.


	2. stay or go

**== >John: Be Dave several hours later**

You fall asleep sometime around three and woke up at seven. Not having school as a part of your daily schedule is throwing you off because there’s nowhere to go in the morning and nothing to do. Your husktop is sitting on the bedroom table, still flipped up after a night of furious typing. Jade is snoring next to you and Karkat is lying on the edge of the bed. He’s close to sliding off so you poke him in the head with your toe and the mutantblood growls, lazily bats at it, and then goes back to sleep.

You take a warm shower, indulging yourself in the electricity. You couldn’t live in Leder’s poorer neighborhoods with its cramped conditions and consistent blackouts. Of course you wouldn’t be living in those areas but with your upper class parents in a fancy suite.

You should definitely ask Bro about your father but the right moment hasn’t come yet. Every time you open your mouth to ask, you get tongue-tied and bring up another topic. You especially can’t ask him about it now with Jake in the hospital.

Jade refuses to get up so you have to scrounge up breakfast. John still hasn’t come back but you don’t bother messaging him. You’re not his mother or his brother. Karkat and you sit on the pull-out couch and watch a Looney Toons marathon on Cartoon Planet.  

“Egbert didn’t come back after his walk with Rose. You think things went well?” Karkat asks.

“I think she ‘made it up to him’.” You say.

Karkat smirks. “Isn’t that the love story of our generation. ‘I sunk your trailer using dark magic but here have a mountain of blowjobs’.”

“How do you even measure blowjobs? Pounds? Karats?”

Karkat glares at you. “That _better_ not be a name pun. I have enough punny nicknames.” He looks at the bedroom door. “Is Harley going to sleep all day?”

“Most likely. I think being pregnant caught up with her after everything that happened.” You mute the TV and look at Karkat. “Okay, we need to…talk about some things.”

“Oh boy. I know that tone of voice.” Karkat sits back, putting aside his plate. “What’s currently fucked up?”

“Nothing’s fucked up. It’s just that Jade and me have been talking and…you know how human babies are sensitive and frail and you have the voice of a foghorn and the claws of a bear?”

“My voice isn’t _that_ loud.”

“You’ve either gone deaf or you have no fucking clue. The point is that human babies don’t tolerate those kinds of shenanigans. Also, Jade is afraid you’ll sit on her without knowing it.”

Karkat chokes on his coffee. “ _Sit_ on her? I’m a troll, not a slovenly barbarian that doesn’t understand the concept of infant care!”

“Do you even know what you’re going to do with _your_ kids when you have to babysit or grubsit or kitsit or whatever-sit?”

“I’d just…y’know.” Karkat makes a wishy-washy gesture with his hand. “Just sort of…watch them. Make sure they don’t drink anything stored under the sink.” You stare at him and Karkat huffs, “Well, I was going to ask my Mom for help!”

“Karkat, your Mom works two jobs and isn’t right across the street for help anymore.”

“Mom works one job now and we still talk.” Karkat holds up his iHusk, showing you a picture of the angriest looking mutantblood grub you’ve ever seen glaring up at the camera and sitting on a stuffed horseshoe crab. “Mom just sent me this last night.”

“Please don’t tell me he’s already reproduced.”

“No!” Karkat grumbles, pocketing the phone, “It’s my Boss’s kid. Mom grubsits for them.”

“Karkat, why don’t you take home ec?” You say, steering the conversation back to the point, “It’s offered at the school and it’s easy to get into.”

As you expected, Karkat whines and resists this suggestion. “Why do I have to take home ec? Can’t I just avoid the baby’s existence until it becomes more durable?”

“They don’t become durable until they’re like _twelve_. What is your logical reason for hating home ec? You can’t just expect parenting advice to drop out of your bulge, like your unplanned kids. And considering how Eridan and you turned out, you want to _mimic_ your upbringing?”

“We didn’t turn out that bad!” You stare at him. “Well, we could have turned out a lot _worse_.”

“So you want your kids to be C’s instead of A’s.” You give him the slow clap. “Way to raise the bar for the Vantases, Karkat.”

Karkat scowls. “I wasn’t aware we were being graded.”

“Considering how your kids saying or doing the wrong thing can land you in _prison_ for the rest of your life? Yeah. It’s like that.”

Karkat’s scowl and stubborn expression just increase. “What if I say no?”

“You’ll have to move out.” Karkat’s jaw drops and you shrug. “That was the ultimatum Jade gave and yeah, I tried to think of alternatives but there are none. Even if you move upstairs you could still make a lot of noise and then you’d still have to come down here for food. Plus, I’d have to ask a huge favor of Bro for you to stay up there since the room there is for their kid so…” You shrug. “Those are your options.”

“Why do I have to leave? I was here first!”

“Karkat, it took me a _week_ to get Jade to concede that far. She didn’t want you to stay at all! Pregnant Jade only has three emotions now: diabetically sweet, nightmarishly angry, and heartbreakingly sad. She was only _one_ of those things when it came to you and Baby Strider.”

Karkat grumbles but lies down on the bed, which you take as an act of submission. “ _Fine_ , I’ll take home ec but only because I hate you too much to leave. At least not right now.”

You unmute the TV and lay down next to him. His body temperature is ridiculously hot and with his adult molt, it’s like a giant water bottle curled against you. “You’d miss my ironic dickery if you left.”

“Kismesises don’t typically live together. Sooner or later I’ll go live with a matesprit. Whoever that is.”

“Do you have to?”

“Well, no. It’s not like a _rule_ or anything. It’s just what typically happens.” Karkat is purring in his ear and troll purring is strange because you can feel his throat and chest vibrating. Why in the hell do trolls even _purr_? What god decided that a bloodthirsty species that seemed evolutionary disposed to mauling the ones they love for shits and giggles should also do a lot of adorable shit like purr and chirp?

Karkat rubs against you, kissing the back of your neck. You manage to remain completely still until he reaches a patch of skin that makes you inhale too fast. “When do you think Egbert will be back?” he whispers.

“No idea. I think he’s explaining to Rose’s Mom about why his trailer is gone and what they’re going to do.”

Karkat traces small circles on your thigh, still purring and still kissing. Jade is in the bedroom in a deep sleep and you have no idea what Bro is up to. You hear footsteps and conversation so he has company. So Karkat and you are alone (or as close as you’re going to get).

Karkat’s arm snakes around your waist. “I can stop if you want…”

You’re so glad to be faced away from him because your face must be bright red now. “I…” You feel something wet and warm rub against your ass cleft and you jolt. “Okay! First question: why are you _not_ wearing underwear?”

“ _That’s_ your question?” Karkat snickers. You have no idea how much control Karkat has over his cherry tentacle but you’re getting suspicious of how it seems to be trying to wriggle into your boxers. “Not ‘Holy shit, what is this delightfully large bulge pressing against my sweet virgin ass?’”

You smirk. “That’s my second question sans the ‘delightfully large’ part. You’re _average_ by troll standards.”

Karkat bites your shoulder, chuckling. “It all feels the same inside you.”

“I haven’t said ‘yes’ either. Do you even know _how_ to fuck a human guy?”

“Step one: make sure they say ‘yes’. Step two: ask if they want condoms. Step three: prep the entry area via lube, fingers, or tongue…”

You turn around, glaring at him. The back of your boxers are definitely moist from his constant rubbing. “There is _no way_ you would do that!” You meant to laugh but you sound panicked and flustered by the image of Karkat rimming you.

Karkat is smirking, not dissuaded by your embarrassment. To him, this is another pitch game. “Scared?”

“I’m calling you out on your bullshit. How the hell do _you_ get to play gay chicken with your own boyfriend?”

“I don’t see how gay chicken could apply to either of us considering how neither of us identify as ‘gay’. I’m just asking if you want to take a ride on the big rock candy mountain.”

Time is just worsening his analogies. You groan and this time you cover your face (and not just because you’re getting more embarrassed). “I am literally covering my face because of how stupid that was, Vantas. You’ve brought me to this. This is your doing. This is what kills the Strider.”

“You sure you’re not covering your face because you’re a embarrassed about being penetrated?”

“I am not embarrassed!” you insist, still not looking at him, “I’m just…not sure, alright? I’m not sure about letting your knight go poking around in my dungeon with his pink sword rolling around blindly in the dark for a critical.”

“Wait, am I the knight or is my bulge the knight? If so, why is my bulge carrying a second bulge and dice?”

“Well, the knight is…uh, the identity of the knight doesn’t matter!” You say, now dismissing your stupid analogy. “The point is that I don’t want to rush into something like this. I’m not like you, Karkat. I don’t get crazy horny during a time of the year and just throw caution to the wind.”

“No, you just do that on occasion.” Karkat smiles, “Strider, I don’t want to rush or pressure you. We don’t even have to go very far. I bet I could make you cum just by fucking your thighs or rubbing against you.”

“‘Fucking my thighs’, as you put it, sounds very painful.”

“It’s not. I looked it up. You press your legs together and I fuck the gap. Apparently, people in more repressed countries do it all the time.”

“I know what intercrural sex is, Karkat!” You huff.

“You _do?_ ” Karkat laughs.

“It came up by accident!” You say but Karkat is still laughing. This whole conversation is throwing you out of whack. You’re the one getting flustered and Karkat is being as snide an asshole as ever. You almost wish Jade would wake up or John would come through the door but no such luck. “Let’s just…fuck it. Let’s try it. But I get to tell you to stop if it’s stupid.”

This is definitely going to be stupid but you have nothing to lose. Still, you can’t face him as you go through with this. You face the TV, focusing on the light and sound as Karkat rubs against you. You hold onto the blanket, fists clenching the soft cotton. You know this is stupid but you can call things off if you hate it and Karkat will stop. At least you have that comfort.

Your mind goes temporarily blank the first time you feel Karkat’s bulge between your thighs, directly under your balls. It’s…it’s a weird feeling. An indescribable feeling as warm heat strokes under you. It’s hotter than you thought it would be but you muffle the first moan. Then the bulge starts moving faster, turning your inner thighs warm and slippery. You moan again and this time you don’t get to cover it. You clamp down on your bottom lip before another can escape you. The phone is ringing but you can barely hear it over the sound of your panting and Karkat breathing in your ear. For several minutes, it feels like it’s just him and you in the world.

Then you hear the back door open and heavy footsteps. It has to be Bro. Your face is red and hot as Karkat’s mutated blood. Panic overrides your lust and you manage to stutter out: “Fuck! S-stop!”

Karkat whines but pulls off of you. Without the bulge your thighs are feeling considerably wet, sticky, and cold. Karkat tries to wrestle his bulge back under his long shirt but when it’s excited it has a mind of its own. You’re just glad for the blanket hiding your erection.

“You two okay in there?” Bro asks, still in the kitchen, “I hear someone… _yelp_.” He starts snickering though and you realize he must know what you were up to.

“I dunno, Dave. Are you feeling alright?” Karkat snickers.

“ _Yes_!” you hiss. You’re definitely going to have to clean the mattress cover and sheets before John gets back.

Bro walks into the living room and before you can open your mouth you get hit in the face with a packet of condoms. You glare at your brother. “I thought I was past the age of condom tossing!”

“You’re never too old for condom tossing.” Bro says and leaves the living room before you can toss the condoms back at him.

“Thank you, Dirk!” Karkat laughs. His iHusk starts ringing so he answers it. “Yeah? Oh. Hey there.” The humor immediately drains out of his face and he walks to the kitchen, shutting the door behind him.

You’re left in the living room with wet thighs, unused condoms, and an erection that’s bordering on painful. You clean your thighs with a washcloth and put on jeans (clothes that would discourage frottage), and discover that Jade’s been awake for a while now in the bedroom but is just catching up on homework. With everything else that’s been going on, you’ve all been shirking your assignments but you have to go back to school on Monday. Being out for a week is definitely going to be a nightmare so you’re all collectively praying the teachers will be merciful. You give Jade an update about Karkat’s decision, that John has still not returned, and the state of his trailer since she was asleep for all of that.

“John only lives down the street from us. Do you think we’ll start sinking next?”

“Maybe. It was only a matter of time really with the expanding swamp. With the new influx of insurance money, I think most people will take this as a chance to leave the Ninth Ward for good.”

“I don’t want to relocate…”

Jade looks up from her husktop, sighing, “Dave, you’ve said _multiple times_ you hate this place. _Now_ you’re getting all sentimental about it?”

“It’s a terrible place to raise a kid but I like it’s familiarity. I know where everything is and I speak the language. I don’t have to learn Spanish or Alternian. Even with the insurance we got, it’s not like we could afford us to live in a better place so… _a pan de quince dias, hambre de tres semanas._ ”

Jade blinks. “What?”

“‘Hunger never saw bad bread’. Basically means beggars can’t be choosers.”

Jade smirks. “You’ve been on a Spanish kick lately. Are you trying to be Mr. Bilingual?”

“…it can help in the job market.”

Jade rolls her eyes. “Dave, you’re a human male. You’re going to have the exact _opposite_ of problems in the job market. What’s the real reason?”

You look away from her. “It’s…stupid.”  

“I doubt the reasons for trying to learn another language are ‘stupid’, Dave.”

You sigh. “I was looking up things about Leder and I learned that the official language was Spanish. Since then I’ve been trying to learn some. It’s hard to find a lot of information about Leder in English, or what _was_ Leder.”

Jade smiles and scoots closer to you. She rests her head on your shoulder. “Dave,” she whispers, “it’s not stupid to want to learn about your family.”

“I just really want to learn more about my _Mom_ , but it’s nearly impossible.” You sigh, “Women were featured so little in Leder it was like her existence didn’t matter. All I could find out was that she came from a wealthy family and she was the daughter of the head of the military police. After my grandfather died, my father would have had his job. He was up from promotion before… _everything_ happened.”

If you had stayed in Leder, there’s no way you would have met Karkat. Trolls and humans lived in separated communities and schools were so segregated ad prejudiced there was no way you could have stayed friends or even quadranted. Troll quadrants were essentially spat upon by the mainstream culture.

“Have you thought about doing your senior paper on Leder?” Jade asks. “Maybe researching and talking about it will give you some closure.”

You haven’t picked a topic for your senior paper yet. You write about music and movies all the time that it’s not interesting anymore. You want to do something interesting. Something people wouldn’t expect of you to write about. “Maybe I should.” You kiss her. “I love you.”

She kisses you back. “I love you too.”

Footsteps come toward the bedroom and Karkat enters with a far-off look in his eyes.

“You’ve been on the phone this whole time?” Jade asks.

“Uh.” Karkat blinks and nods. He walks over to the closet and changes out of his shirt and into another one. There’s considerable sweat on the other. “Yeah. It was just…long conversation.”

“About what exactly?” you ask.

“Work.” Karkat sighs, “Have to go back to work. What else? It’s what I do for a paycheck. It’s not so bad really. I have to provide for my kids. It’s not that big of a deal…” He starts muttering to himself.

He’s weird for the rest of the day; muttering whenever you ask him anything or slow to respond. He doesn’t even answer to the little jabs you send his way. By Friday morning he’s even worse: sitting around and not doing or eating much. You’re worried so you call Terezi since she knows what to do with a strangely behaving Karkat.


	3. a pale evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains discussion of past rape, violence, and other terrible things that have happened to Karkat lately. Just a warning.

**== >Terezi: Receive the call **

 

When Dave Strider calls you about Karkat, you know it has to be something worrisome. You invite Karkat over your place that Friday night for dinner. Since the power came back on you’ve been working on making nutritious meals. Back home you used to make quick meals out of hot dogs and instant meal boxes but now you have to think of your kid’s nutrition. Kankri and you promised not to have anything too high in salt or sugar so it doesn’t inhibit their development.

Karkat is quiet during the dinner but Kankri and you talk your favorite subject: current events.

“Mayor Remnant’s promised to double the size of the police force by the end of December.” Kankri says.

“All she can do is promise.” you snort, “New Jack already has a sizeable police force. The issue is that the higher ups are corrupt fucks and you can’t tell which from which. Even if they do get that many officers where’s their paycheck coming from? The school system’s in tatters and the parks are in terrible condition.”

“Infrastructure I would think.”

“But the roads are already a mess, the levees should have been repaired _years_ ago, and Interstate 36 is always backed up in the summer.”

“RR got voted into office riding the platform that the city would eventually re-route I-36 and install a vactrain from here to Midway City. That way people who work out of the city or state could get to work without clogging I-36.” 

You roll your eyes. “The mayor may as well kiss that idea goodbye. With New Jack being called the new crime capital of the UTC by CNN, Midway’s politicians aren’t going to want their squeaky clean image affiliated with us. Compared to them, New Jack is a cockroach on the bottom of their studded boots.”

“Typical anti-Midway attitude from a native New Jacker.” Kankri says, smiling. You stick out your tongue and he looks at Karkat. “Karkat, what do you think?”

Karkat doesn’t look up from his half-empty plate. “Huh?”

“Karkat, are you alright? You’ve been quiet all evening.” You ask.

“Just thinking...” He mutters, “Sorry…I’m not very hungry right now.”

There’s no look of heartache in Karkat’s eyes. His pupils are shrunken and his hand is trembling slightly. Not enough to jostle the fork sitting on the plate but enough for you to notice that he’s controlling it so no one will notice how frightened he must feel.

Kankri clears his throat. “Let’s talk about something else.” He smiles at you. “Have you heard back from Barrat Farren & Webber yet?”

“I just got in contact with their secretary. I’m scheduled to meet with them next Friday.” You say.

“Nervous?”

“A little, but I’ve been practicing what I’m going to say.”

You continue talking about your meeting for the rest of the meal. Kankri clears away the dishes and you lead Karkat to the bedroom for a private pale session. You both lay on the daybed, with his head in your lap. You run your fingers through his coarse hair. The key to a good pale session is to have a calm space and not push things.

 

 

“Have you been back to work yet?” you ask, casually.

Karkat stiffens but shuts his eyes, trying his best to stay calm. “Not yet. Sergei called me yesterday. I’m going back to work Saturday. I’ll have to do”—he shudders—“overtime.”

“You don’t like overtime?” It’s difficult to keep your voice calm and unknowing. You know why Karkat dislikes ‘overtime’ but you can’t let him know or his guard will go up.  

Karkat grimaces, like he’s being stuck with a hot needle. “It’s not pleasant.”

“Then don’t do it.”

“It’s not that easy.” He inhales slowly “I know the Trussians respect my father, but I know enough that they’ll kill me if I disappoint them. Kankri already said I could run but I don’t want to live in fear, and I don’t want to put the people I love in jeopardy either. Mom _lives_ with Meliak.”

You can understand the fear given the Trussian’s reputation toward coldbloods.

“It’s my fault.” Karkat whispers, “I knew this could happen when I joined them and I did it anyways.”

“Why did you join them, then?”

Karkat digs his claws into the mattress. “After what happened…I wanted to be strong again but I wanted revenge too. I wanted to become tough and I wanted to make my rapist suffer just like my father did.”

He swallows, collects himself, and continues:

“I knew I was weak so I joined the Trussians and they taught me how to kill a people, even a purpleblood. They trained me and for my initiation, I got to kill my rapist. So I killed him and I felt…nothing. I didn’t feel justified or sated in killing him. It was…”

Another pause.

“Death is disgusting, Terezi. Blood is sticky and it has this stench that you can’t ever get off of you no matter how many times you shower. People’s eyes bulge out of their head and they shit and piss themselves. I watched the life drain out of him and…killing my rapist made me feel dirtier than when he actually raped me.”

He’s in pain but he doesn’t cry. He’s cried too often. Now he’s just angry and bitter. “I’m so weak, Terezi. I can’t even _enjoy_ killing my rapist. And…I thought about it. I mean, I realized it when it happened but I ignored it. I tried so hard to ignore it but it’s too much of a coincidence that I would meet my rapist and kill him as my rite of passage. The Trussians made me dance on their strings just like the Brotherhood did. I’m always going to be their puppet and this is worse because I _trusted_ them…” He whispers, “…I let Sergei be my friend and he _used_ me.”

That must be hurting Karkat more than anything else. Karkat can deal with quadrants breaking up; people hating him, but the one thing that breaks his heart are betrayals from those closest to him. You shoosh away his pain and hold him. He doesn’t sob or scream but he holds you close.

When he’s calm you say, “Karkat, you may look like him, sound like him, and have his memories but you’re _not_ your grandfather. You weren’t raised in a society that thrived on daily violence. It’s not wrong to be repulsed by violence. It doesn’t make you less of a troll or a man to be peaceful.”

“I’m not sorry I killed him,” he whispers, “but I don’t feel _good_ about it.”

“Sometimes a violent revenge isn’t what you want, or need,” You sigh, “Of course I could get a gun, hunt down the DynamiCHEM CEO who made my Mom sign that contract, and shoot them but that wouldn’t correct what happened. Revenge isn’t just about death of the other person that wronged you. It’s evening out the imbalance of what that person did. You could build up a support network for those who had been victimized by the Brotherhood.”

Karkat frowns. “But I’m not a therapist...”

“You don’t have to be a therapist, Karkat. You have firsthand experience of what happened and you already know how trollian culture treats victimized trolls. We’re either expected to murder or shut up. Trollian culture doesn’t support the people who may have PTSD, whether it’s from sexual assault or military combat.”

“What could I do for them, though? And why would they listen to me?”

You smile. “You’re already a good public speaker, you care about people, and you’re not afraid to defend them. Sergei helped you after you were attacked but the difference here is that you’re not manipulating people to work in your bar or in a gang. You _genuinely_ want to help.”

This time Karkat doesn’t dismiss you. He considers what you’re saying and chews it over. “Guess it couldn’t hurt to try,” He concedes, “if Sergei and Meliak don’t kill me first.”

“Karkat, gangsters don’t have a long lifespan. Everyone fantasizes about being Troll Don Corleone or Scarface, but it’s not realistic. Police are crawling all over New Jack now and I bet Meliak wouldn’t think twice about throwing Sergei to the wolves so he can stay free.”

Karkat lays his head on your lap. “They’re shitty people but I don’t know if I would wish their death. What’ll happen to their kid if Meliak and Sergei die?”

“If Meliak and Sergei tried to push _you_ into being a hardened criminal, what will happen to their son?”

“I know,” Karkat runs his fingers through his hair. “With the police crackdown, I think crime will peter out for a while. I’ll suggest to Sergei that we should cool it and…” He sighs. “I just want to go back to my regular job at the bar. That’s all. I’m done with this organized crime bullshit. It’s not for me. It’s not for anyone with sense and decency.”

You nod. “If worse comes to worse, you could always join the Altish in South New Jack.”

Karkat rolls his eyes. “Pass. This week without electricity has taught me I couldn’t be Altish for longer than a week. Any word about what Vriska’s been up to?”

“Bragging about how awesome Hecuba is. For some reason she insists on telling _me_ everything about her.” You refuse to give Vriska the satisfaction that you’re irritated and jealous of her spending all her time with that other tealblood. “She’s been hanging out with John at Fraymotif.”

“ _Egbert_ goes _clubbing_?”

You have difficulty trying to imagine John Egbert twirling around glow sticks. “I don’t know if he’s _clubbing_ per se but he’s basically there every night. She sent me a selfie.”

“Let’s see it.”

You toss him your iHusk and he looks through your gallery. Karkat must have found the image because he starts laughing. “Oh my gods! This explains _so_ _much_.”

 

 

“So much what?”

“The Winter Holiday party. Hold on. Sending this to my iHusk so I can send it to Strider,” Karkat snickers, “I can’t believe it. Straight-lace church-going theatre darling Egbert parties on school nights like a fucking frat boy. This should be in the school papers.”

“I notice you’re not shocked about Vriska.” Karkat tosses your phone back to you.

“Vriska’s always been a partier but as long as she’s happy”—Karkat shrugs—“she can do whatever. I still don’t like Hecuba.  No good comes from older trolls messing with younger ones.”

You smirk. “Except your conception.”

“Even _I_ think that was a mistake. Kankri still has a complicated relationship with Dad after all these years and I really question their kismesistude given their abusive history. Abuse has no place in a kismesistude. It poisons the whole relationship.”

You have to agree with that sentiment. “And what about you and Petros?”

You expect a groan or flustered sigh from Karkat, but the mutantblood goes still and quiet. You taste and smell his emotions bouncing against each other in confusion: arousal, apathy, anxiety, contentment, repulsion, and sympathy knock against each other. You haven’t felt such a torrent of emotions since Kankri during his drinking days…or Karkat after he had been abducted.

“Karkat,” you say, gently, “tell me what happened.”

“ _Nothing_ happened,” Karkat says, feelings popping and cracking like livewires, “That’s the problem, I guess? Or maybe it’s not a problem? I just wanted to talk to him and he said he wasn’t interested in me in a sexual way and I said I wasn’t either and then I talked to Rufioh about things and then I--”

“Karkat, you’re going a mile a minute,” His anxiety is smothering all other feelings now and the speed and pitch of his words are turning erratic, “You sound, taste, and smell over-stimulated. I think you should go home and get some rest. Maybe this whole thing with the Trussians is stressing you out.”

The emotional storm ebbs away and Karkat nods. “Yeah…I think you’re right. I have been feeling fatigued lately.” He kisses you palely. “Thanks, Rezi.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

You wave goodbye to Karkat as he heads across the street. You notice that Kankri isn’t in the trailer. He must have stepped out but it’s ten at night and he hasn’t come back yet. You hope he’s alright since its pouring rain out. You see his Trollichum is offline, which is unusual, so you send him a text in the meantime. You go to your husktop and comb through your online contacts, debating about who to talk to first. 

 

\--gallowCalibrator[GC] began trolling adiosToreador[AT]!--

 

GC: H3Y

AT: yOU MUST HAVE POWERS OVER TIME BECAUSE YOU CAUGHT ME JUST AFTER I STOPPED FEELING SHITTY, wHICH IS THE FIRST TIME SINCE THIS WHOLE MISERABLE WEEK BEGAN,

GC: YOU F1N4LLY PURG3 YOURS3LF OF TH3 FR13NDLY N31GHBORHOOD P4R4S1T3S?

AT: iT WAS ACTUALLY A COMBINATION OF PARASITES AND LIKE THE FLU, oR SOMETHING, i HAVE NO IDEA AT THIS POINT SINCE OUR NEIGHBORHOOD IS TOXIC GUMBO CENTRAL ACCORDING TO CNN,,,

GC: 1 H4T3 HOW TH3Y C4LL 3V3RYTH1NG R3L4T3D TO US 4S 4 GUMBO JUST B3C4US3 W3 L1V3 1N TH3 34ST DO3SNT M4K3 US 4LL H1CKS 1 DONT 3V3N L1K3 GUMBO OKR4 1S SL1MY 4ND GROSS 4ND 1N 3V3RYTH1NG DOWN H3R3

AT: dID YOU MESSAGE ME TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE LOCAL CUISINE,,,,?

GC: NO 1 H4V3 4 F4VOR TO 4SK

GC: 4ND 1TS GO1NG TO SOUND 4 L1TTL3

GC: UNS4VORY

AT: dID YOU SAY 'UNSAVORY' ON PURPOSE TO MAKE A TERRIBLE PUN?

GC: NO BUT NOW 1TS TOO L4T3

AT: wHAT IS IT THEN?

GC: 1 W4NT YOU TO SPY ON YOUR GR4NDF4TH3R

AT: hUH,,,dID NOT EXPECT YOU TO SAY THAT,

AT: wHY?

GC: 1M SUSP1C1OUS OF H1M 1S WHY!

GC: H3 S4YS H3’S 4N 4NC3STOR BUT H3’S ST1LL YOUNG TH3R3’S NO 1NT4CT P1CTUR3S OF TH3 SUMMON3R SO TH3 ONLY TH1NG W3 H4V3 TO GO ON 4R3 RUF1OH 4ND 4R4N34 R3COGN1Z1NG H1M FROM S1Z3 4ND SK1N COLOR BUT TH4T COULD 34S1LY B3 DUPL1C4T3D

AT: wHY WOULD ANYONE PRETEND TO BE THE SUMMONER? wE’RE NINER TRASH TEREZI, wE DON’T HAVE MONEY FOR HIM TO SWINDLE US OUT OF BY BEING THE SUMMONER,

GC: 1 DON’T KNOW WHY TH3Y WOULD 31TH3R BUT TH3 SUMMON3R NOT H4V1NG 4G3D 4 D4Y DO3SN’T M4K3 MUCH S3NS3 31TH3R

GC: 4ND H4V3 YOU NOT1C3D H3’S 4LW4YS T4LK1NG ON H1S PHON3? 4BOUT WH4T’S GO1NG ON H3R3? 1T’S L1K3 H3’S R3PORT1NG TO SOM3ON3 4BOUT US

AT: yEAH I DID NOTICE THAT, wHEN HE’S NOT ON THE PHONE HE’S TYPING AWAY LIKE CRAZY ON HIS HUSKTOP AT ALL HOURS OF NIGHT,

GC: YOU’R3 B4CK 1N YOUR TR41L3R NOW?

AT: yEAH, i WAS TOO SICK TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AND GAMZEE STILL VISITS, jUST SHARING A ROOM WITH GRANDPA, wHICH IS A LITTLE WEIRD,,,

GC: H4V3 YOU 4ND GR4NDP4 SUMMON3R DON3 FUN GR4NDK1D TH1NGS L1K3 F1SH1NG?

AT: nO,,,

AT: i KNOW HE’S MY GRANDFATHER BUT HE’S STILL A STRANGER, sO FAR HE’S REALLY,,,sTANDOFFISH,

AT: mAYBE I'M A DISAPPOINTMENT TO HIM BECAUSE I NEVER GOT WINGS,

GC: YOU ST1LL H4V3 YOUR 4DULT MOLT

AT: nO,,,TEREZI,,,

AT: iF MY WINGS HAVEN’T COME IN BY NOW THEY’RE NOT GOING TO, wING MUSCLES TAKE YEARS TO PROPERLY DEVELOP, eVEN IF THEY WERE TO BE AROUND FOR ADULT MOLT THEY WOULD BE TOO SMALL AND WEAK TO DO ANYTHING,

AT: aND EVEN IF I HAD WINGS, mY LEGS ARE TOO HEAVY FOR A STEADY FLIGHT, sO IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN AND IT DOESN’T REALLY MATTER ANYMORE,

GC: HOW DO3S YOUR MOTH3R F33L 4BOUT P3TROS?

AT: mOM SAYS HE’S OKAY WITH GRANDPA BEING HERE BUT IT’S BULL, hE REALLY WANTS TO GET TO KNOW GRANDPA BUT THERE’S SO OBVIOUSLY A GENERATION GAP HERE,

AT: gRANDPA IS ALSO SUPER WEIRD,

AT: lIKE, hE DOESN’T EAT ANYTHING WE HAVE IN THE FRIDGE, hE DOESN’T LIKE ANYONE IN HIS PERSONAL SPACE BUBBLE, hE DOESN'T HUG, hE SLEEPS OUTSIDE, aND HE DOESN'T STAY HERE VERY OFTEN,

AT: hE SORTA COMES AND GOES, iT'S LIKE LIVING WITH A VAMPIRE,

GC: 1 TH1NK TH3 P3RSON4L SP4C3 4ND NO HUGG1NG TH1NG 1S 4N OLD 4LT3RN14N TH1NG ONLY TRUST3D QU4DS DO TH4T C4US3 OTH3RW1S3 SOM3ON3 COULD SHOV3 4 KN1F3 1N YOU

GC: 4ND H3 COULD JUST NOT L1K3 TH3 FOOD G1V3N HOW 4LT3RN14N FOOD 1S MOSTLY R4W 1NS3CTS

AT: mAYBE HE’S A RAINBOWDRINKER, tHAT’S WHY HE’S SO YOUNG,

GC: ONLY J4D3BLOODS C4N B3 R41NBOWDR1NK3RS 4ND 4LSO TH3Y’R3 NOT R34L

AT: mAYBE HE’S A BROWNDRINKER AND WE’RE HIS NEXT VICTIMS,

GC: 1 TH1NK 1F H3 W4S 4 ‘BROWNDR1NK3R’ TH3 F1RST TH1NG H3 WOULD DO 1S M4K3 SUR3 TO C4LL 1T SOM3TH1NG 3LS3

AT: wHAT IF HE BATHES IN THE BLOOD OF VIRGINS TO STAY YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL?

GC: H3’S GO1NG TO ST4RV3 L1V1NG 1N OUR N31GHBORHOOD TH3N >:]

AT: i GUESS I WILL COMMENCE SPYING ON GRANDPA SINCE HE’S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW,

AT: mAYBE HE’S LOCATING SOME VIRGINS TO SUCK ON,

GC: OH MY >:]

GC: 4LR1GHT TH3N TH1S 1S TH3 F1RST OFF1C14L M33T1NG OF TH3 1NFORM4T1ON G4TH3R1NG CLUB

AT: wE SHOULD COME UP WITH A BETTER NAME IN FUTURE

GC: BROWN OBS3RV4NC3?

AT: tHAT’S WORSE,,,

GC: COPP3RS! >:]

AT: oKAY I’M GOING NOW,

 

\--gallowsCalibrator[GC] ceased trolling adiosToreador[AT]!--

 

Kankri still hasn’t sent you a reply text. You send another and look back to your husktop.

 

\--gallowsCalibrator[GC] began trolling grimAuxilatrix[GA]!--

 

GC: K4N4Y4 WH4T DO YOU KNOW 4BOUT MUT4NTBLOOD PHYS1OLOGY R3L4T1NG TO 3MOT1ONS 4ND F3RT1L1TY CYCL3S?

GA: Oh My Is This A Question For Biology

GC: NO 1’M WORR13D 4BOUT K4RK4T

GA: Who Isnt Worried About Karkat Given His Life Choices

GC: GOOD PO1NT BUT SOM3TH1NG 3LS3 1S GO1NG ON

GC: I 4SK3D K4RK4T 4 QU3ST1ON 4BOUT P3TROS 4ND H3 B3C4M3 1NCR3D1BLY 3MOT1ON4LLY CONFL1CT3D L1K3 H3 W4S 4CTU4LLY B3COM1NG OV3R ST1MUL4T3D 4T TH3 THOUGHT OF P3TROS 4ND TH3 S1TU4T1ON

GC: YOU 4ND 1 BOTH KNOW TH4T K4RK4TS QU4DR4NTS 4R3 4 M3SS BUT TH3 THOUGHT OF 4 S1NGL3 P3RSON DO3SN’T UP3ND H1S 3MOT1ON4L K1TCH3N S1NK 4ND 3XH4UST H1M

GA: Im Not An Expert On Troll Biology But That Sounds Like Karkat Is Experiencing Some Kind Of Psionic Related Sensory Overload

GC: 1S TH4T POSS1BL3?

GA: It Could Be Pending On What Happened Between Karkat And Petros

GC: BUT K4RK4T S41D TH3Y T4LK3D 4BOUT HOW MUCH TH3Y DON’T L1K3 34CH OTH3R BUT K4RK4T T4ST3D CONFUS3D 4BOUT HOW H3 4CTU4LLY F3LT 4ND 4NOTH3R P4RT W4S R3L13V3D 4NOTH3R P4RT FRUSTR4T3D OR 4P4TH3T1C TOW4RD TH3 WHOL3 S1TU4T1ON

GC: 3V3RYTH1NG W4S CONFL1CT1NG W1TH 34CH OTH3R

GA: Something About This Concerns Me

GA: According To Eridan Feferi Experiences A Level Of Sensory Overload As A Prelude And Aftermath To Her Fits Which Is Now Being Treated With The Same Tea Used To Calm Down Psionics Who Experience Sensory Overload

GC: R1GHT PS1ON1C BR41NS 4R3 MOR3 S3NS1T1V3 TO ST1MUL1 BUT K4RK4T 1SN’T 4 PS1ON1C

GA: He Could Be

GA: Karkat Claims To Have Genetic Memories Which Would Be Considered A Psionic Ability And So Far It Hasn’t Caused Him Trouble But Now Someone From His Grandfather’s Past Is Here In The Flesh And For Karkat Who Has These Memories It Could Be Confusing For His Brain

GA: I Recall Karkats Early Fear Of Gamzee Which May Also Stem From His Grandfather’s Fear Of The Grand Highblood Due To An Encounter Which May Have Not Even Happened Because Of The Signlesss Addiction At That Time

GA: Even Though Karkat Treasures His Grandfathers Memories Theyre Still Flawed And That Makes His Mind Susceptible To The Same Dangers

GA: Do We Know What Relationship The Signless Had With The Summoner

GC: NO ON3 1S R34LLY SUR3 S1NC3 TH3 SUMMON3R D1S4PP34R3D 34RLY ON

GC: W41T 1 JUST R34L1Z3D SOM3TH1NG

GC: YOU W3R3N’T TH3R3 BUT WH3N P3TROS F1RST SHOW3D UP K4RK4T 4ND H1M LOOK3D 4T 34CH OTH3R FOR 4 WH1L3 4ND K4RK4T C4LL3D H1M P3TROS 4ND P3TROS C4LL3D K4RK4T BY H1S N4M3

GC: TH3R3S NO W4Y P3TROS SHOULD H4V3 KNOWN K4RK4T’S N4M3 H3S N3V3R M3T K4RK4T 4ND K4RK4T H4S N3V3R M3T H1M H3 D1S4PP34R3D B3FOR3 K4RK4T W4S 3V3N THOUGHT OF

GC: 1F 4NYTH1NG H3 SHOULD H4V3 C4LL3D K4RK4T K4NKR1 S1NC3 TH4T W4S H1S F4TH3RS N4M3 4ND TH4TS WHO H3 CURR3NTLY LOOKS L1K3

GA: It Is Possible Then That Grandfather Kept In Contact With Someone During His Years Of Supposed Death Thus He May Know More Than He Lets On About Us

GA: I Think The Signlesss Memories Are Interfering With Karkats Daily Life And Considering How Vivid The Memories Are He May Have To Start Taking Psionic Dampeners To Cope Until He Learns Better Control

GC: TH4T’LL B3 4 B4TTL3 K4RK4T L1K3S TH3 M3MOR13S

GA: I Know He Does But We Dont Want Him To Start Having Fits We Have To Also Be Careful Of Karkat’s Heat Cycle His Psionics Seem To Act Up Worse Around That Time

GA: I Would Prefer For Karkat Not To Kick A Possible Hornets Nest By Humping My Grandfather Before Hes Accepted By The Rest Of Our Group

GC: WH4T DO YOU M34N?

GA: Grandfather Being Here Upsets The Balance Of Our Community

GA: Troll Communities Are Chaotic They Need Time To Stabilize Into A Properly Harmonious Hive With Different Rankings And Rules Grandfather Is A Newcomer And Its Going To Take A While For Him To Find Rank Within Our Community

GA: The Other Issue Is That Grandfather Is Very Intimidating His Presence Challenges The Alphas Of Our Collective Grandfather May Be Expressing Sexual Disinterest In All Of Us Out Of Not Wanting To Create Conflict Because Someone Like Kurloz Would Feel Threatened By An Outsiders Power Grab

GA: I Imagine This Will Develop Interestingly In The Future

GC: 1T SOUNDS L1K3 YOU’R3 WR1T1NG 4 BOOK 4BOUT K4RK4T’S CURR3NT PR3D1C4M3NT

GA: Well Its A Very Interesting Subject

GC: WH4T 4BOUT SHOULD 1 DO 4BOUT *K4RK4T* K4N4Y4?

GA: I Think We Have To Wait And See About What Will Happen Next I Think For Now Karkat Should Keep His Distance From Petros

GC: 1 4LMOST W1SH K4RK4T W4S ST1LL W1TH VR1SK4 H3 S4YS H3’S T4K1NG TH1NGS SLOW 4ND NOT 1NT3R3ST3D 1N QU4DR4NTS 4NYMOR3 BUT YOU KNOW H3 ST1LL RUSH3S 1NTO TH1NGS

GA: Karkat Still Cares For The People Hes Broken Up With Its Just That Vriska And Him Were Not A Good Match For Flush

GA: With The Nagging Concern Karkat Expresses For Vriska You Would This He Would Be Her Auspistice She Needs Someone To Pull Her Narrow Glute Out Of The Fire On Occasion And Im More Likely To Punch Her First

GC: DO3SN’T 4N 4USP1ST1C3 JUST H4NDL3 CONFL1CT?

GA: Auspisticism Doesnt Handle Just One Conflict They Help With All Possible Conflicts Theyre More Aggressive Than Moirails As They Break Up Bad Quadrants And Prevent Future Fights Its Not An Easy Quadrant To Manage But Mandatory For An Imperial Era Alternia Full Of Personal And Political Conflict

GA: As For Karkats Matespritship Woes I Think He Can Find Affection But He Has To Wait Out The Loneliness Mutantbloods Seem To Do Better Quadrantwise After Dry Spells As Kankri And His Father Both Found Solid Matespritships After A Long Period Of Flush Emptiness

GA: Mutantbloods Also Seem To Do Better With Someone That Is Not Their Age Maybe They Need A Gap Of Generation To Feel Comfortable Or Compliment Something They Seek As Kankri Is With Someone Half His Age And His Father Was With Someone Far Older Given The Condesces Nigh Immortality

GA: Though These Could Also Be Isolated Incidents Since We Have A Spotty History Of Mutantblood Romantic Rituals Karkat May Be Very Different

GC: Y34H BUT TH4T’S TH3 ON3 TH1NG K4RK4T DO3SN’T L1K3: B31NG 4LON3 FOR LONG P3R1ODS OF T1M3 H3 WOULD B3 W1TH SOM3ON3 H3 F33LS LUK3W4RM TOW4RD JUST TO 4VO1D B31NG 4LON3

GA: Well That’s A Psychological Issue Considering How Were All Latchkey Children But It Must Have Been Incredibly Hard On Karkat In The Beginning Since Mutantbloods Crave Social Interaction And Company

GA: Kankri Was A Mess For Most Of Karkats Developing Years He Had To Learn To Take Care Of Himself When Cronus Wasn’t Around

GA: Karkat Didnt Have A Safety Until Net He Was Much Older And That Didnt Prevent His Abduction Hes Come A Long Way Since Then But It Must Still Trouble Him

GC: DO YOU TH1NK K4RK4TS 4BDUCT1ON H4S M4D3 H1S F34R OF B31NG 4LON3 WORS3?

GA: It Could Have Exacerbated A Problem That Was Already There But We Honestly Dont Know Given Karkats Elusive Nature About His Attitudes Concerning The Abduction

GC: H3 ST1LL GO3S TO GROUP TH3R4PY BUT 1 4LW4YS WORRY 4BOUT H1M TURN1NG 1NTO 4N 4DD1CT 4DD1CT1ON RUNS V3RY H1GH 1N H1S F4M1LY

GA: I Doubt That Will Happen Karkat Saw Firsthand What Kankris Addictions Did To Him I Think When Karkat Feels Fulfilled And Happy With Himself Other Things Will Fall Into Place Hes Not In A Good Place For A Long Lasting And Fulfilling Relationship Right Now

GC: Y34H YOU’R3 R1GHT

GC: 1 TH1NK TH3 N3XT T1M3 H3 H4S R3L4T1ONSH1P WO3S 1LL T3LL H1M TO JUST ST4Y S1NGL3 FOR 4 WH1L3 1T WOULDNT HURT

GA: That’s A Good Idea

GA: And Its Getting Late I Better Head To Bed

GC: N1GHT K4N4Y4

 

\--grimAuxiltatrix[GA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator[GA]!--

 

Kankri still hasn’t come home nor has he responded to your texts. You wait in the living room, feeling increasingly worried. You call Kurloz, Cronus, and anyone else who might be awake but no one’s seen Kankri. You sit in the living room with the eggs, waiting anxiously for Kankri. When midnight creeps around you get ready to call the police when Kankri staggers through the door. His rain boots are caked with mud and swamp grass, his sweater stained with sweat and grime, and he smells like a garbage dump.

 

 

“Kankri, where have you been? I was worried sick about you!” you ask. Kankri mouths something but no words come out. “…Kankri?”

Kankri doesn’t even acknowledge your presence. He walks to the bathroom and you follow him. He runs the sink, splashes cold water on his face and scrubbing mud off his hands. His breathing is haggard and you can smell the thick aura of fear and shock crowded around him.

You haven’t tasted fear like this since the Cherubs attacked.

“Kankri?” you whisper.

He doesn’t answer. He stares at himself in the mirror, eyes still large and afraid.

“I just…I was…” He shudders and looks at you. “Terezi, I love you. I love you so much.”

“Kankri--”

The older mutantblood hugs you. “I love you more than anything in the world! Don’t _ever_ think otherwise!”

You ease out of his grip. “Kankri, you’re scaring me. What happened?”

“I…I saw something. I saw things I don’t _ever_ want to see,” He whispers, voice quavering, “Terezi, stay away from Petros. There are _things_ about him that you don’t need to know,” He frowns, “Karkat needs to stay away from him too. I don’t…” He swallows, “I couldn’t _bear_ _it_ if either of you were hurt…”

“Okay, Kankri. I’ll do that,” you say, touching his cheek, “It’s going to be alright.”

Kankri nods and goes to the bedroom. He strips off his dirty clothes and crawls into the recuperacoon, yawning. You immediately sniff his clothes but don’t pick up alcohol or drugs. Just toxic swamp water, blood, and smoke. You don’t know what Kankri saw but it couldn’t have been good. You’re burning to know what happened but in he’s too triggered to tell you now.


	4. conversation uncovered

**== >Terezi: Be Tavros the spy **

 

It’s getting close to midnight and your grandfather isn’t back yet, which gives you plenty of time to snoop. It’s not that bad having grandpa in your room. It’s given you a chance to rearrange things (and by ‘rearrange things’ you mean ‘make Gamzee move them’). Your room must feel incredibly cramped to your grandfather but so far he hasn’t complained.

Eventually he’s going to ask about your nonexistent wings. Not that it bothers you. You accepted not having wings a long time ago. That hatchet’s been buried and rusted over.

You waddle over to your grandfather’s husktop sitting on a folding table and turn it on. It’s a standard husktop with nothing too flashy on it but you notice he has the latest version of Trollichum and has a phone account as well. There are only two contacts on his trollRoll. He has a long scrolling archive of conversation between both contacts.

So, these must be the quads: auspistice and moirail.

You decide to investigate the latest interaction between the most spoken to person, who is ‘CG’.  

 

\--AnimaTelepathic[AT] began trolling CausticGodship[CG]!--

 

CG: Took you fucking long enough to get your ass online!

AT: pARDON ME FOR NOT GETT1NG A FREE MOMMENT, OH 1MPAT1ENT ONE....aND WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR TYPEQU1RK?

CG: Keyboard is fucked after angelfish spilled tequila and pina coladas over it while we were takin shots with a couple of Altish on the beach during their rumperstun.

AT: l1V1NG THE DREAM EH?

CG: Always. Sort of fucking annoying as all hell, but what you gonna do? I have to inform my auspice how much of a dumbass his life choices are after all.

AT: yOU ARE TOO K1ND. YOU KNOW THAT? yOU ARE THE PARAGON OF K1NDNESS.

 

CG: Yes, yes, I know. The fat mutant Jegus of our time. Totally me. Now confess your heinous sins of late to your fat Troll Jegus mutant overload and let me comfort you with my wobbling jowls.

AT: oH R1GHT AWAY. HONESTLY THOUGH, NOTH1NG TO REALLY SAY. 1T 1S ABOUT AS BAD AS THOUGHT HERE... r1GHT DOWN TO THE SEM1 MUTANT RAT BEASTS, OUBREAKS OF PARAS1TES AND ALL THE OTHER N1NE PLATUES ARE PROBABLY 1NCOM1NG.

CG: If anyone asks, not me. That is more your madcap belief system.

AT: oF COURSE NOT YOU. yOU ARE AGNOSTIC DUMBASS SO OF COURSE MY HORRIBLE DEVIL FAITH THAT MADE EVEN THE HANDMAIDEN CRINGE IS TO BLAME ]>8D

CG: Oh god. Don't you emote me. Don't you start pre-teen sassophrassing me!

AT: C:[

CG: You aren't cute. It isn't cute when you are a millennium old great grandfather figure. Stop it. You’re embarrassing yourself, your family, your ancestors, your descendants, your future descendants, their livestock, and their one day quadrants. Shame on you.

AT: fINE. 1'LL JUST TYPE OUT MY EMOTES *SAD FACED COW IS SADS NOW. FEELINGS SO HURT. VERY NOT RECOVERING * aND WILL MY DESCENDANTS EVEN HAVE QUADS? sEEMS THE BIG THING NOW IS TO BE ANTI-QUAD AND FREE SPIRIT LOVE OR SOME HIPPY SHIT LIKE THAT.

CG: *Long suffering auspice facepalms in defeat but decides to play this game* I have no fucking idea. Dumb fuckers don't realize the point of quadrants anymore. Back in our day they actually taught that shit in the school fed and made sure they understood it. Now they just play musical quadrants until some higher power decides they appreciate this shipping quadrants very muy mucho.

AT: *NOT SO SAD COW NODS SATELY IN ATREEMENT WITH AUSPICE-SAMA* hMMM...tRUE THAT AUSSY, TRUE THAT. bUT SO FAR, ONE OF THE BRATS IS PUTTING MOVES ON ME.

CG: *Sips tea and arches eyebrow at sad cow auspice* Which one? There were a lot of crotch spawns in that park. More crotch spawns to come. So many my dear bovine friend.

AT: tHE HORNY ONES. YOU KNOW....mUTIE ONE DOING THE BAD SIGNLESS IMPRESSION. ]:D

CG: *Glares angrily at the bovine and threatens bovine auspice with slaughter house* I warned you about the emotes Peter Cow. Also I warned you about mutants. Don't fuck mutants unless you want to be in a soap opera. Don't do it. Promise me on your cow mom's soul! Right now!

AT: *ACCEPTS H1S SLAUGHTERHOUSE FATE AS HE CANNOT BE CONTA1NED W1TH H1S EMOT1NG AND BECOMES SAD P1LE OF dGROUND COW MEATS* 1 PROM1SE 1 PROM1SE. sOMET1MES 1 TH1NK YOU ARE MY COW MOTHER!

CG: Can't be. I'm not fat enough, cow enough, or cud chewing enough. And your mother was a fairy cow too. I don't look good in dresses and fairy wings. I cannot even cosplay as your mom in your times of need. I'm not pale enough to destroy my dignity.

AT: aLSO YOU AREN'T BLACK ENOUGH TO FUCK ME. ]:)

CG: Nope. I'm so grey for your dumb ass at this point there is no doubting how grey we are. We are greyer than an episode of The Twilight Zone, greyer than a troll kit's skin, greyer than the font color the edgy trolls like to type in. So Grey c3<

AT:  nO 1'M SO GREY FOR YOU. 1 GREY YOU MORE c3< yOU CAN MEDDLE UNSCRUPOLOUSLY 1N MY QUADRANTS ANYDAY AND KEEP ME FROM SELF DESTRUCT1NG THEN ANY DAY c3<

CG: Awww, you don't mean that....but even if you didn't really mean that I still would meddle in your quadrants without delay and make sure to smother them in my sticky touch mmhmmm c3< I would even break up kismesistudes that were too bad for my cow burger friend.

AT: oH BABY. 1 LOVE 1t WHEN YOU TALK PLATON1CALLY GREY TO ME....mAKES ME WANT TO PLAY COD OF DUTY ALL N1GHT W1TH YOU NAGG1NG ME c3<

CG: When you get back I will nag the fuck out of you c3<

AT: 1TS A GREY DATE THEN AUSSY.

CG: Totes a grey date. In the meantime, keep away from troll mating, keep away from the investigators because they take too much of a look in your past and they will be wondering a whole lot of shit, also don't go communing too much with the dead in your pagan rituals, don't eat anything that you don't kill yourself, don't chase the purple lusus, and most of all, and this is the most important.....

AT: yEEEEEEEESSS? AND WHAT WOULD THAT BE MY MOST DARL1NG OF GREY QUADRANTS?

CG: Downtown New Jack. The club called Happy Salamander Island has the best fucking shots and hookers in all of New Jack. Make sure to go there, ask for Nancy and ask for the Blood and Haze special. You'll like it. Trust me. I'm your meddlesome best friend that knows more about you than should be legal!

AT: aND TH1S 1S WHY WE ARE SOOOOO GREY MY FR1END. SO GREY. sO MUCH LOVE AND HATE 1N ONE GREY BLOB. 1'LL CATCH YOU LATER TO G1VE AN UPDATE.

CG: Yes. All the updates on the frontlines of Hell. Next time I demand we do it Victorian letter style and you can pretend I'm your Lord Givesafuck to your Lady Bovenity.

AT: oOOOOOH! 1 L1KE 1T WHEN WE SH1TT1LY ROLE-PLAY JANE AUST1N NOVELS. C3<

CG: As do I my friend. As do I. For now, matesprit is summoning me to the bedroom. I am needed in hunting through the jungles of hair for the sacred mountains of tatats and from there, the secret wet cove of hoomama.

AT: a WORTHY D1STRACT1ON. 1 W1SH YOU LUCK AND TELL HER LADY BOV1NE1TY SAYS HE M1SSES QUEEN B1TCHYCHAPSANDHOTPANTS!

CG: I will inform her highness at once! Fare ye well!

 

\--CausticGodship[CG] ceased trolling AnimaTelepathic[AT]!--

 

Your mother is in the living room so you have to muffle your laughter. You were unsure of your grandfather when he arrived but reading this makes you realize he’s not that much different from you. He’s just a larger and sassier version. You definitely have to tell Terezi this and think of a way to hang out with your grandfather.


End file.
